When a Lady Says NO

Despite centuries of men being around women, the female folks have still remained a puzzle to men. It is not unusual to hear a man announce in frustration that he just can’t understand women. In the gatherings and chats of men, talks on women abound. Some ill informed men have even assumed experts on the opposite sex and often try to unravel mysteries about women to their fellow men.

Often, one gets questions from men, like, ‘if a woman says no, does she really mean it?’ On a question like this, you are sure to get various views backed by instances of experiences from men. But when a woman says no to a man’s advances, does she actually mean her objections? There may be no fast rule answer to this question. For I seen ladies who said no, no and no to some of my friends’ advances and later turned around and said yes. I bet you many men would come up with varied answers to this question. Though unfortunate, it is not uncommon for some men to describe women’s way of reasoning as ‘chicken kind’. This mentality to greater extent influences how some men view women’s responses.

It is also true that many men would say that when a woman says no to a man’s advances be sexual or for short or long time relationship, she might indirectly be saying yes. However, this mentality amongst men is sure responsible for many cases of rape of women around the world. Some men just can’t take no for an answer from women to their sexual advances and in turn rape them and then later justify it by stating that the women led them on even though these women had verbally declined such sexual advances especially at the time or at all the times they were made.

Many men have had this idea that rapes are most times perpetuated by strangers who often lurk around dark alley waiting for unsuspecting women to take advantage of. Statistics have shown that 74 percent of sexual assaults are perpetrated by assailants well known to their victims. Approximately 28 percent of rape victims are raped by their husbands, 35 percent by an acquaintance, and 17 percent by a relative other than spouse. This shows that majority of rape cases are carried out by men who do not respect the wishes or opinions of their women or any other woman, it doesn’t matter the kind of relationship they have with these women.

When a man assumes that a no means yes, a lot can go wrong. Statistics shows that 1 in 15 rape victims contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) as a result of being raped. 1 in 15 rape victims become pregnant as a result of being raped. United Nations statistical report compiled from government sources around the world showed that more than 250,000 cases of male- female rape are recorded by police annually.

Rape is not just about un-wanted sex, rape is all about violence. It is a highly traumatic experience and like other serious traumas, it has negative effects on those who survive it. Besides rape, there are many other forms of violence that result from the unwillingness of men to respect the views or wishes of women. There is nothing wrong for a man to desire a woman perhaps for a relationship. However, if everyman chooses to become violently aggressive to actualize that which he desires with a woman, I assume that the female folks would long have become extinct.

To woo a woman and realize that wish one wishes from a woman with her consent is very possible. It is important that one doesn’t get wrong information about how a woman thinks or responds. Relying on myths and stereotype that are spreaded around by ill informed men for information about women, will get one the wrong results. A woman is a human being. Every human is unique in interest, how he or she thinks and how he or she deals with others. It is very important one learns to learn and understand how the other thinks and other marks about the other’s personality.

There are many good books on understanding the general psychology of women. These books offer informed scientific information on questions that have puzzled some of us about women. It is better to be informed and get the results one desires than dwell and act in ignorance and destroy the lives of others and perhaps end up in jail due to poor judgment of how a woman thinks.

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