fiction

Many keep secrets to themselves, but there is one secret I can not afford to keep to myself. Call this a confession, it is a confession I think many should hear about and learn from. It takes more than a lion’s heart or bravery to make this confession to you. Perhaps one’s life will never be the same after this confession. It is going to cost a thing, but I am going to tell it anyway. I hope many learn from it.
One’s life history is a web of many pieces of news, be it the pleasant and the unpleasant. Each piece of news, which is an outcome of events in one’s life, has possible effects on one’s life. Such out comes could create life altering impacts. No news had had so great impart on my life like the one announced to me by my doctor two years ago. It was the result of some tests my doctor had carried out on me after I fallen ill at about that period before the test. I can still recall his words as we sat in his office on that faithful day of 6th October, 2004.” I am sorry to announce this to you,” he said. “Results from the test shows that you have contracted HIV/AIDS,” He announced sadly to me. It was devastating news. I didn’t believe what I had heard from him. The shock and disbelief led to few confirmation tests at two other medical hospitals. The results still came back positive. Someone had warned me about the dangers of contracting the disease some years back. My lifestyle had given him the clue. I could not keep away from things ‘under the skirt.’ I was a womanizer to a fault. I had sex, unprotected sex, any time I could have my way. For me, sex was a way to prove my manhood. It was a game. A game I loved so much. The ability to ‘conquer’ a woman by getting her to have sex with me was thrilling. Many times, I had pride myself about being a ladies’ man; I was never without the company of a woman. How I am in company with Hiv/Aids. I am not in anyway suggesting that the female folk are the carriers of this dreaded, terminal disease, or are they channel of spread for the disease, neither am I blaming the womenfolk for the woes I had found myself. My lifestyle, my choices, was responsible.
Despite the many awaking messages I had come across on the mass media, warning about the reality of Hiv/Aids, I had dismissed them as mere propaganda. I saw them as messages sponsored my religious fanatics and their un-modern organizations to spread unenlightening moral beliefs about sex. I reasoned that since creation created humans with the capacities for having sexual relationships, why shouldn’t one then enjoyed sex any time one could or when one felt like? Now I had comprehended the warnings behind those messages on the mass media. What they hoped to protect me from, I had contracted. I had contracted the dreaded disease. It is my reality now. I couldn’t remember how many times I had broken down in tears and self pity, negotiating with God to give me a second chance and heal me, wishing that the disease vanished from my body. Never had the saying that ‘the way one makes one’s bed, so shall one lie in it’ had had so much meaning until then. I finally realized I had had to live the consequences of my choices. Now, I tell you about my experience with calm acceptance. For many who might be informed today that they had contract the disease, I understand the confusions their minds had being thrown into. Many times they would wish someone woke them up from the nightmares. But they would only awake with tears in their eyes.
Living with Hiv/Aids is difficult living. It is a life full of pains and instability. A measured life span. One, more than others, is constantly aware of the presence of death. Each day, one’s life withers. Now I live on anti-retroviral drugs. To these drugs, I am grateful to that I am still alive. But I know they would not save or keep me going for as long I would wish. Perhaps they would seize to be effective on me as the Aids virus in my body modified and adapted to those drugs. Perhaps I might be dead in a few years! I am now forty and wary of getting married or having children. Who would take of my children, if I had them and then died in their childhoods? I wonder how women out there would agree to marry one living with Hiv/Aids if they knew one’s status on the disease was positive. Indeed, ones choices are limited.
I am not writing this article to bother you with my woes, but to make you understand how the Hiv/Aids disease could impact on ones life; and perhaps those around one too. This article is a personal confession I hope others should learn from. Living with a disease is never a pleasant experience. Do all can to ensure you do not contract this disease and end up like me. The surest way to keep away from the disease is to choose a healthy lifestyle. It you must choose to have sex, never engage many sex partners. The dangers are obvious. Forget about condoms, they are not safe. Stick to one sexual partner and be faithful. Do the right thing, so you do not end up like. I know there are some who would refer I kept all of these personal disclosures to myself, perhaps for the reason of the stigma attached to this disease. Perhaps they feared that these disclosures could affect my relationships with those around me, especially those who never knew about my health status, I understand their concerns. In a society like ours where families disown or reject their own for the reason that their own had contracted a dread disease should be a cause for concern for anyone intending to make disclosure of suffering from a communicable and destabilizing disease like Hiv/Aids. Who then would put a human face on the disease? Some now question the existence of this disease because they had never come across anyone living with it before. All around us one hears about horrible numbers of people in their thousands dying from the disease and yet few or none could one point to within one’s as evidence of the reality of the magnitude of the spread and impact of the disease. I prefer to stand alone with my confession than be in crowd and be salient in the mist of secrecy of societal denials. A confession is an emotional burden reliever. So I feel now as I unravel the emotional burden of the prison that this disease had kept in.
If I were to make an appeal, I would say to those living with the disease to speak out about the disease and convince those who do not think the disease exist. Perhaps these could save thousands who could end up becoming victims of the disease. Perhaps it will give rise to more information about the disease and reduce stigmatization of those already living with the disease.

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Comments

  • limbozelgmailcom  On January 30, 2016 at 3:07 am

    Thoughtful writing – I am thankful for the insight , Does anyone know if my assistant might be able to acquire a fillable DA 5164-R example to fill in ?

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